January 20th, America woke up with a hangover of biblical proportions. Which is to be expected after a four year bender of authoritarianism science denial and general cruelty. Now, after chugging a Monster-sized drink of reality, we're looking at the mayhem we sowed in our orgy of drunken debauchery and thinking, "Oh God, I didn't really do all that, did I?"
"Yeah, you did," our friends and neighbors tell us. "All that and more." Ugh, we know we're not a fun drunk but we never thought we were a mean one. Maybe we aren't. What if we're just the kind who does whatever the fuck we want without considering the consequences?
But now, the fun's over and it's time to start adulting again: gathering up all the empties and tracking down where we left our car and figuring out just who we offended in our drunken revelry (we're not sure but we may have wanted to hang Mike) because we need some idea of where to start making amends.
It goes without saying we're never going to do this again. We know we were incredibly lucky and dodged a major bullet this time. But it also goes without saying that we're kind of lazy and no one's sure not even us if we're really willing to put in the necessary work to keep it from happening again.
It doesn't help that we're not great at keeping our more destructive impulses at bay. A quick look at our past history tells us that. We try so hard to do the right thing but always manage to fuck it up somehow. Not this time, we tell ourselves. This time, we're going to stick to our guns even though we know we have the attention span of a coked-up hamster.
I mean, we'll try. Oh god, how we'll try. But, like every other drunk who's had a close call, we'll forget how bad we felt the morning after the last time and we'll keep bellying up to the bar until our near misses stop missing and we wake up to swastikas and St. Andrew's crosses every fucking where.